It took 18 years for this moment to happen 🥺
You might say we've been preparing for this moment for the past 18 years.
Ok, not this exact moment where we were discussing which sheets he wanted on his bed…and then seconds later cracking up when he asked “what the hell is a pillow sham?”
This M O M E N T.
You know, the one of dropping him off at college.
The one of helping him set up a dorm room that will be his new home for the next 9 months.
The one where images of him throughout his entire life were suddenly stuck on repeat, playing tricks on my mind all weekend long as if those moments just happened yesterday rather than years ago.
The one that left me stalling when it was time to leave ("We HAVE to go to the bookstore…AGAIN!") …and then sobbing for a good part of the 8-hour drive home.
I rode a roller coaster of emotions all weekend…and let me tell you…I am NOT a roller coaster fan!
The feeling of total excitement for his next chapter mixed with deep sadness that it includes me a little bit less is bittersweet. It's all happening as it should, but it still makes my mama heart ache. Knowing that I devoted a big part of my life to stay at home and raise him (and my daughter) will always be my greatest work. It's why this transition feels like more than just him going off to college. It's the beginning of a new milestone for me as well.
As we said our teary-eyed goodbyes, I told him I believe in him and that he has everything he needs. Not just the sheets and towels and toiletries…but the intelligence, the common sense, the perseverance, the drive, and the humor to help him through anything.
When we got home, I was so disappointed that this was the only photo anyone took of just the two of us all weekend. The photographer in me was upset, but as I've stared at this photo (a lot) over the past couple of weeks, I've come to appreciate the storytelling captured and the messy imperfectness of this moment. There is great beauty in the mess sometimes.
Oh, and in case you're wondering, he kept the pillow sham!